甘える (amaeru) means to rely on someone’s affection or generosity. A child may seek comfort from a parent, while an adult can 甘える by accepting a kind offer. お言葉に甘えて politely means “I’ll take you up on that.” 甘やかす means to indulge or spoil someone.
also amaeru / amaete / amayakasu / amae
to lean on someone's affection · to accept an offer · to act like a child
Sentences
6 sentences, word by word
〜に甘える · the core picture
polite
。
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子供
こども ［0］
child
noun · 子 alone is warmer and more casual
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が
が
marks the subject
particle · what the sentence is about — with 好き, 分かる and potentials, the object
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母親
ははおや ［0］
mother
noun · the descriptive word, unlike お母さん which addresses her
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に
に
to; at; into
particle · a point something reaches — a place, a time, a person, or a state
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甘えて
あまえて
leaning on her, being babied
て-form of 甘える · the に marks who is being leaned on
甘えるN2to lean on affection
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います
います
is (doing)
polite of いる · marks an ongoing state
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The child is clinging to their mother.
お言葉に甘えて · accepting an offer
polite
、。
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お言葉
おことば ［0］
your kind words
honorific お ＋ 言葉 · the offer that was just made
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に
に
to; at; into
particle · a point something reaches — a place, a time, a person, or a state
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甘えて
あまえて
taking you up on that
て-form of 甘える · fixed formula, learn it whole
甘えるN2to accept graciously
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お先
おさき ［0］
ahead of you
honorific お ＋ 先 · the fixed phrase for leaving before others
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に
に
to; at; into
particle · a point something reaches — a place, a time, a person, or a state
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失礼します
しつれいします
excuse me; I'll be going
set phrase · literally 'I commit a rudeness'
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Well, if you insist — I'll head off first, then.
甘えないで · the negative
plain
。
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あまり
あまり
(not) too much
adverb · pairs with a negative later in the sentence
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甘えないで
あまえないで
don't lean on me
negative request from 甘える · a real complaint, said gently here
甘えるN2to lean on someone
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Don't lean on me quite so much.
甘えすぎ · going too far
plain
。
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彼
かれ ［1］
he; him
pronoun · also means boyfriend in the right context
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は
は
as for — the topic
particle · written は, read わ
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親
おや ［2］
parents
noun · covers both, no plural marking needed
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に
に
to; at; into
particle · a point something reaches — a place, a time, a person, or a state
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甘えすぎ
あまえすぎ
leaning on them too hard
stem ＋ すぎ · the noun form, used as a flat verdict
甘えるN2to lean on
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だ
だ
is
plain copula · the flat verdict form; です in polite speech
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He relies on his parents far too much.
甘えん坊 · the noun
polite
。
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うち
うち
our house; our family
noun · the in-group, as opposed to よそ
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の
の
links noun to noun
particle · A の B = B belonging to A
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猫
ねこ ［1］
cat
noun · counted with 匹
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は
は
as for — the topic
particle · written は, read わ
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甘えん坊
あまえんぼう ［0］
a cuddler; one who craves attention
noun from 甘える · fond, used of children and pets
甘えるN2to crave affection
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です
です
(polite ending)
copula · joins the noun back to the topic 猫
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Our cat is a real cuddler.
甘えさせて · asking to be looked after
plain
。
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今日
きょう ［1］
today
noun used adverbially · no particle needed
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は
は
as for — the topic
particle · written は, read わ
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ちょっと
ちょっと
a little
adverb · softens the request
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甘えさせて
あまえさせて
let me lean on you
causative て-form of 甘える · asking permission to be taken care of
甘えるN2to lean on affection
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Let me lean on you a bit today.
Forms
What forms does 甘える take?
Person ＋ に＋甘える
母親に甘える, 親切に甘える. The に marks who or what you are leaning on — it can be a person, or the kindness itself.
甘えて＋Verb
お言葉に甘えて、お先に失礼します. The て-form is doing causal work: because I am accepting your offer, here is what I will now do.
甘え＋ないで / るな / すぎ
甘えないで, don't lean on me over this. 甘えすぎ, leaning too hard. This is where the verb turns critical, and it does so sharply.
甘え＋させて / られる
今日は甘えさせて, let me lean on you today. The causative is how you ask permission to be the one taken care of.
Meaning
甘える vs spoiled — who is doing what
The everyday picture is a small child pressing into a parent — asking to be picked up, refusing to walk, being pleased about it. That is 甘える in its plainest form: relying on somebody's affection openly, on the understanding that they want you to.
Two verbs, not one. The child 甘える; the parent 甘やかす, spoils them. English uses “spoil” for the adult's action and “spoiled” for the child's state, and has nothing at all for the child's action. Getting these two verbs the right way round is most of learning the word.
Between adults it is a way of accepting. Offered a lift, a meal, a day off you did not ask for, the graceful reply is お言葉に甘えて — literally, leaning on your words. It acknowledges that the other person is doing you a kindness and accepts it anyway, which is exactly the move an English “oh, if you're sure” is fumbling at.
Turn it negative and it bites.甘えるな and 甘えすぎ accuse somebody of taking a relationship for granted — leaning on goodwill that has run out. Between colleagues it is a serious thing to say. The word is warm in the affirmative and cold in the negative, and the gap between the two is wide.
Inside the word
甘 — sweet, and everything sweetness excuses
甘 — あま · sweet
The plain adjective 甘い is sweet to taste, but it spreads: 甘い採点 lenient marking, 考えが甘い naive thinking, ネジが甘い a loose screw. The common thread is something that is not being held firmly.
甘える vs 甘やかす
甘える is intransitive and belongs to the one being indulged; 甘やかす is transitive and belongs to the one doing the indulging. 親が子を甘やかす, 子が親に甘える. Swap them and the sentence says the opposite of what you meant.
The word Doi built a book on
The psychiatrist Doi Takeo's 1971 「甘えの構造」 argued that 甘え — the expectation of being indulged — organises Japanese relationships in a way Western frameworks miss. The thesis is contested, but it is why the word turns up in English writing about Japan untranslated.
Watch out
Where 甘える goes wrong
Confusing it with 甘やかす
私は母に甘えた means I leaned on my mother. 私は母を甘やかした means I spoiled my mother — which is a strange thing to have done. The particle is the tell: に for 甘える, を for 甘やかす.
Translating it as “act spoiled” and making it an insult
In the affirmative it is warm. A partner saying たまには甘えてね is asking you to lean on them more, not accusing you of anything. The word only turns critical in the negative and in すぎ.
Declining an offer with お言葉に甘えて
The phrase means you are accepting. If you want to decline, that is お気持ちだけいただきます — I'll take the thought. Saying お言葉に甘えて and then refusing leaves everyone confused about whether you are coming.
Also asked
Questions people ask about 甘える
What does 甘える actually mean?
To lean on somebody's affection openly — to let them do something for you, and to be visibly happy about it. A child does it to a parent, an adult does it when accepting a favour. English has no single verb, which is why it usually comes out as “act spoiled” and loses the warmth.
甘える or 甘やかす — which is which?
甘える is what the person being indulged does; 甘やかす is what the indulger does. 子が親に甘える, 親が子を甘やかす. The particle follows: に versus を.
When do I say お言葉に甘えて?
When someone has offered you something and you are taking it — a lift home, the last seat, leaving early. Say it as you accept: お言葉に甘えて、お先に失礼します. It marks that you know it is a kindness rather than your due.
Is 甘えん坊 an insult?
Not usually. About a child or a pet it is affectionate and completely normal. About an adult it is teasing, and how it lands depends entirely on who is saying it — from a partner it is fond, from a colleague it is not.
Is 甘える rude to say to someone?
In the affirmative, no — もっと甘えていいよ is an invitation. In the negative it is sharp: 甘えるな and 甘えすぎだ accuse someone of trading on a relationship, and both are serious things to say to an adult.
How does 甘える conjugate?
Ichidan, so drop the る: 甘えます, 甘えて, 甘えない, 甘えた, causative 甘えさせる. The noun form is 甘え, which is the one that turns up in book titles.
References
Sources and usage notes
Kotobank: 甘える — Defines seeking affection and relying on another person’s goodwill.
